Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
