He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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