i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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