My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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