Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
