I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
