I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
