I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
third nipple confirmed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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