I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
