God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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