I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
