Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
