i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A bitchslap is in order.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
