today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
