Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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