i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
