May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
one might say we're banned from that church
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
