if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
