I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
