i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
