i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
