well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
