I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
