if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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