I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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