best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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