they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
