on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
