The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
