Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
