Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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