just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
