I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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