Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize