im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
They took my balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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