shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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