Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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