My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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