strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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