we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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