Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
