Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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