Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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