Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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