Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
