If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
