I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
