READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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