There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
