I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ttyl tear gas
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
