Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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