i would punch a child for taco bell
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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