trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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