Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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