What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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