My sheets look like a crime scene.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
