I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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