I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
