dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
