Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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