I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
