i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
