Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You need a sexual gate keeper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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