Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
