I accidentally burped into my bong.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
