they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
