I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there is puke in my bra ... again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
