Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
