4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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