shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
NoShamevember. You game?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
