dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
