Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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