The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
