You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
