My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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