my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
