Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
