somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
